Responding to Insults

We live in an insulting culture. Social media is full of people sniping at one another from anonymous accounts. Politicians hurl invective after invective at one another. Even the news media is quick to insult or to publish insults. And the atrocity that is daytime television has thrived for decades on letting people watch foolish people snap at each other.

 

But what is a wise response to the insult-driven culture we live in? How are we to react? It is not hard to understand.

 

Proverbs 12:16

 

The vexation of a fool is known at once,

but the prudent ignores an insult.

 

It’s not hard to understand, but it is hard to do. A fool shows his or her annoyance at an insult at once. Anger flairs. A retort flies. But the word of God tells us that the wise course is not to allow offense at the first moment of insult. Instead, wisdom is what people’s moms used to tell them all the time: Just ignore it.

 

The wise person lets an insult go. Why? There is nothing to be gained for us by jumping into the fray. When we are insulted, what do we think to accomplish by engaging the insult? Do we think we will give back a better insult? That is not honoring to the Lord or helpful in society. Do we think we will show the one insulting us the error of their ways? If we are angry or offended, our response will not be effective. Do we think we are going to call those nasty anonymous Twitter folks to account? If they cared about righteousness, they would not be tweeting insults from behind the safe cover of a keyboard and a fake screen name.

 

In truth, we respond to insults most often because of personal pride. How dare you say that about me? How dare you not see me as great as I see myself? How dare you besmirch my reputation? But the truth is, we have no reason to let this be an issue. Insulting words are just that, words. To allow words to stoke a fire in you that requires you to react is a mistake on your part. It is unwise. It is damaging. The far more mature response is to see the insulting words of many as the hollow things they are.

 

Now, I understand that there may be times when you face the wounds of someone who is a friend. In those situations, you may have to go to them, talk it through, and come to a point of reconciliation. That makes sense. There is nothing wrong with sitting down with a friend and telling them, “I was hurt by what you said.” Maybe you will find they meant it a different way. Maybe you will find that there are real things in your life you need to work on. Maybe you will find that they simply got carried away. Maybe you will find that they are not as close a friend as you think.

 

But sitting down with a friend and calmly talking through how their words affected you is not nearly the same as showing your vexation from the beginning. Nor is it the same as screaming out a demand for an apology or trying to return insult for insult. May we be wise enough to know that jumping into the insult game will make us look foolish. Learning to ignore words that do not matter used to be a part of growing up in a mature society. Perhaps our culture has not learned this lesson, but we who know the Lord should learn it for ourselves.